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Discuss your anxiety panic attacks or depression with other Christians. Find support from other Christians who are experiencing the same thing. Find answers. Pray and encourage one another through Jesus Christ.
 
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 Long Time Anxiety Sufferer

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Neverending



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PostSubject: Long Time Anxiety Sufferer   Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:33 pm


Hello,
I received an invite to come to your website from a Christian who visits a website called, CARM. Thanks for the invite to come here.
Yes, I suffer from anxiety and I am a Christian. My anxiety began around 1995 when I was on my way home from visiting a friend and sitting in rush hour traffic. All of a sudden, I felt nauseous, felt I couldn't breathe and felt like I was going to pass out. My first thought was, "how em I going to get home feeling like this, I'm going to have an accident and possibly hurt someone and myself?" Then I remembered that there's a hospital 3 blocks from where I was waiting at the light. It seemed like forever for the light to change and once it did, I somehow was able to get myself to that hospital and went into their ER. I went up to the reception counter and told them how I was feeling and then told to sit down. That bothered me for how did they know I might not be having a heart attack? Maybe 5 minutes passed and then I get called back to sit at a desk and answer questions, "what if any insurance did I have etc? My WORD! This was maddening! Then I was taken to a room where I was evaluated and was told to put on a hospital gown. I was given some oxygen and left. A young man came in an attempted to take my blood but he did a very poor job of doing it having to poke me several times til I almost told him to stop and get someone else. It seemed like forever that I was left there alone and wondering what had happened to me. A woman came in who was a Social Worker and we talked for a few minutes. She was very kind as I shared with her what was going on in my life. She gave me her card and said to call her if I needed to talk more. Then I was left alone some more. I wanted to cry for no one knew that I was there, I didn't call my husband and my kids certainly wouldn't have cared. My son didn't even live near me, he was in Montana. My daughter was always busy with the grandkids so I remained alone. Then a doctor showed up, the first time I had seen one since I arrived. He explained that I had had a panic attack and wanted to give me a shot of something and asked if there was someone who could drive me home. I told him, "no, there's no one." With that he gave me a script for xanax and told me to see my regular doctor and everything would be ok. I then got dressed and left.
For a few years after that I never really thought about that day and was able to go about doing my normal routine. My mother's health was declining and that worried me a lot. I was a nurse and my career was in Long Term Care but I had to fight my oldest brother at every turn when it came to doing anything for my mother. He told me one day that our mother was none of my business. WHAT? I was appalled. My brother had the idea that he was the only one who had any right to help our mother but he never got her in to see her doctor but once a year for a flu shot. Our mother had many health problems which she should have been seeing her doctor regularly but nope. I even called Adult Protective Services twice to voice my concerns but nothing ever became of my calls.
As time went by my anxiety started becoming worse and I was afraid to drive for fear of having an attack, there went my career. I miss it and being of help to people but I couldn't get to work and was afraid that with the anxiety, I might make a mistake. Leaving was the hardest thing for I felt I was letting my patients down, they needed me. I kept in touch with a co-worker that I had become friends with and after 6 months of my leaving, 3 of my patients had died. Again, I felt it was due to my not being there and caring for these people. So many of the nurses were there only for a pay check but for me, these people deserved decent care and treated with respect as I treated them all as if they were my own mother or father.
Now after all these years, the anxiety has made it so I sometimes get afraid to even go out of the house. The thoughts of going to the doctor make me so nervous and then, up goes the blood pressure; what a vicious cycle. My mother suffered from anxiety as well and at the last, she seldom spoke only sat and stared out her living room window. She would at times repeat either, "I want to go home or, I am dying." It broke my heart and when I would try to ask her why she thought she was dying, she would clam up. I know my brother abused her emotionally and had that verified by the doctor when my mother finally had to go to a Nursing Home. My only relief was knowing she was safe from further abuse by my brother for I told the doctor all about how he would yell at her, throw things and threaten to leave her alone; he lived with my mother. One day as we all were out having lunch and my brother was at the counter ordering our food, I took my mother's hand and asked her if she was ok. Her reply, "He's going to kill me!" That was all I was able to get her to say when she saw my brother returning. It was hard to not cry after hearing those words and I never was able to find out why she said what she did.
As a Christian it has been hard for we are to trust in the Lord in all things. I've prayed and prayed for the Lord's help that I can be strong and have peace. I ask that my mind won't wander off into those areas that cause the anxiety but as you see, I've not succeeded. It makes me feel like a failure and that for some reason I am being punished. I remain on medication but now take Klonopin....I have high blood pressure which is affected by being anxious and then I get palpitations which scare me and up goes the blood pressure and worsening of the anxiety. What can one do? I have seen a therapist who told me a few months ago that he didn't know how to help me. I had been seeing this guy for over a year. Now I feel I wasted my money and time. I have seen a psychiatrist as well who sat at his desk and acted like I was wasting his time and then handed me a script for an anti-depressant and said, "BTW, we don't mind if you want to see someone else." Now tell me, was that not the brush off? I never went back. How I've prayed to be able to feel normal and live like normal people. My husband is now retired thanks in part to a stupid man on our freeway who wasn't paying attention and when traffic came to a stop and my husband stopped, this man hit my husband from behind, knocking him unconscious and somehow my husband's car careened across 3 lanes of freeway and slammed almost head on into a cement wall. It almost took his life for he wasn't wearing his seat belt. It took him 4 months to recover enough that he felt he could go back to work part time. He worked for our State and the first day back, he was greeted by his boss and bosses boss and a woman from HR who told my husband, you have 2 choices, be laid off or take early retirement. He chose retirement but it cost us dearly at a tune of $65,000, our life's savings. We were saving to pay off our home in 4 years when my husband would officially retire from the State. So, we've had more than our share of troubles and no wonder my anxiety is so bad. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I am so sorry for all of you who are suffering now. Any ideas of what has helped you would sure be appreciated. May God bless you all. May He grant you victory over this horrible disorder so you can feel normal again. Thank you for taking time to read my lengthy message. Have a good day.
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PostSubject: Re: Long Time Anxiety Sufferer   Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:45 pm

You certainly endured a lot, Neverending. I'm glad that your husband made it through the accident, that's a blessing. I know exactly what you mean by the anxiety makes you want to stay in the house. I blame much of the reason why I didn't do that well in my doctorates of physical therapy program on my anxiety. I am going for nursing now and I pray that I do well in that. I have posted a lot of great things on this site that I think helps people like us overcome our anxieties. Please read the catharsis pages I posted. They help set the mind straight and are verses from the bible that God spoke to rid his people of anxiety. And this may not pertain to you, but sin must be rid from our lives in order to experience the peace that Jesus gives. Isaiah says that there is no peace for the wicked. And in John after Jesus healed someone, He said, "See, you are well again, now stop sinning or something worse may happen to you." I don't quote these to scare you more....I hope that you don't get scared from these verses, they are here to help us not to scare us and give us anxiety. For peace lies in righteousness. Surely we are not righteous from our own merrits, but Jesus gives us his righteousness. But God still wants us to live the life of a righteous person, not for salvation, because that is guaranteed for the believer through faith in the finished work of Christ, but for God's peace and rest in this life. It is better to suffer unjustly doing good, than to suffer because of wickedness. But again, please glean through these posts and I think you can find many things that are helpful on this site. God bless.

Neverending wrote:

Hello,
I received an invite to come to your website from a Christian who visits a website called, CARM. Thanks for the invite to come here.
Yes, I suffer from anxiety and I am a Christian. My anxiety began around 1995 when I was on my way home from visiting a friend and sitting in rush hour traffic. All of a sudden, I felt nauseous, felt I couldn't breathe and felt like I was going to pass out. My first thought was, "how em I going to get home feeling like this, I'm going to have an accident and possibly hurt someone and myself?" Then I remembered that there's a hospital 3 blocks from where I was waiting at the light. It seemed like forever for the light to change and once it did, I somehow was able to get myself to that hospital and went into their ER. I went up to the reception counter and told them how I was feeling and then told to sit down. That bothered me for how did they know I might not be having a heart attack? Maybe 5 minutes passed and then I get called back to sit at a desk and answer questions, "what if any insurance did I have etc? My WORD! This was maddening! Then I was taken to a room where I was evaluated and was told to put on a hospital gown. I was given some oxygen and left. A young man came in an attempted to take my blood but he did a very poor job of doing it having to poke me several times til I almost told him to stop and get someone else. It seemed like forever that I was left there alone and wondering what had happened to me. A woman came in who was a Social Worker and we talked for a few minutes. She was very kind as I shared with her what was going on in my life. She gave me her card and said to call her if I needed to talk more. Then I was left alone some more. I wanted to cry for no one knew that I was there, I didn't call my husband and my kids certainly wouldn't have cared. My son didn't even live near me, he was in Montana. My daughter was always busy with the grandkids so I remained alone. Then a doctor showed up, the first time I had seen one since I arrived. He explained that I had had a panic attack and wanted to give me a shot of something and asked if there was someone who could drive me home. I told him, "no, there's no one." With that he gave me a script for xanax and told me to see my regular doctor and everything would be ok. I then got dressed and left.
For a few years after that I never really thought about that day and was able to go about doing my normal routine. My mother's health was declining and that worried me a lot. I was a nurse and my career was in Long Term Care but I had to fight my oldest brother at every turn when it came to doing anything for my mother. He told me one day that our mother was none of my business. WHAT? I was appalled. My brother had the idea that he was the only one who had any right to help our mother but he never got her in to see her doctor but once a year for a flu shot. Our mother had many health problems which she should have been seeing her doctor regularly but nope. I even called Adult Protective Services twice to voice my concerns but nothing ever became of my calls.
As time went by my anxiety started becoming worse and I was afraid to drive for fear of having an attack, there went my career. I miss it and being of help to people but I couldn't get to work and was afraid that with the anxiety, I might make a mistake. Leaving was the hardest thing for I felt I was letting my patients down, they needed me. I kept in touch with a co-worker that I had become friends with and after 6 months of my leaving, 3 of my patients had died. Again, I felt it was due to my not being there and caring for these people. So many of the nurses were there only for a pay check but for me, these people deserved decent care and treated with respect as I treated them all as if they were my own mother or father.
Now after all these years, the anxiety has made it so I sometimes get afraid to even go out of the house. The thoughts of going to the doctor make me so nervous and then, up goes the blood pressure; what a vicious cycle. My mother suffered from anxiety as well and at the last, she seldom spoke only sat and stared out her living room window. She would at times repeat either, "I want to go home or, I am dying." It broke my heart and when I would try to ask her why she thought she was dying, she would clam up. I know my brother abused her emotionally and had that verified by the doctor when my mother finally had to go to a Nursing Home. My only relief was knowing she was safe from further abuse by my brother for I told the doctor all about how he would yell at her, throw things and threaten to leave her alone; he lived with my mother. One day as we all were out having lunch and my brother was at the counter ordering our food, I took my mother's hand and asked her if she was ok. Her reply, "He's going to kill me!" That was all I was able to get her to say when she saw my brother returning. It was hard to not cry after hearing those words and I never was able to find out why she said what she did.
As a Christian it has been hard for we are to trust in the Lord in all things. I've prayed and prayed for the Lord's help that I can be strong and have peace. I ask that my mind won't wander off into those areas that cause the anxiety but as you see, I've not succeeded. It makes me feel like a failure and that for some reason I am being punished. I remain on medication but now take Klonopin....I have high blood pressure which is affected by being anxious and then I get palpitations which scare me and up goes the blood pressure and worsening of the anxiety. What can one do? I have seen a therapist who told me a few months ago that he didn't know how to help me. I had been seeing this guy for over a year. Now I feel I wasted my money and time. I have seen a psychiatrist as well who sat at his desk and acted like I was wasting his time and then handed me a script for an anti-depressant and said, "BTW, we don't mind if you want to see someone else." Now tell me, was that not the brush off? I never went back. How I've prayed to be able to feel normal and live like normal people. My husband is now retired thanks in part to a stupid man on our freeway who wasn't paying attention and when traffic came to a stop and my husband stopped, this man hit my husband from behind, knocking him unconscious and somehow my husband's car careened across 3 lanes of freeway and slammed almost head on into a cement wall. It almost took his life for he wasn't wearing his seat belt. It took him 4 months to recover enough that he felt he could go back to work part time. He worked for our State and the first day back, he was greeted by his boss and bosses boss and a woman from HR who told my husband, you have 2 choices, be laid off or take early retirement. He chose retirement but it cost us dearly at a tune of $65,000, our life's savings. We were saving to pay off our home in 4 years when my husband would officially retire from the State. So, we've had more than our share of troubles and no wonder my anxiety is so bad. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I am so sorry for all of you who are suffering now. Any ideas of what has helped you would sure be appreciated. May God bless you all. May He grant you victory over this horrible disorder so you can feel normal again. Thank you for taking time to read my lengthy message. Have a good day.
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PostSubject: Re: Long Time Anxiety Sufferer   Sat May 28, 2011 11:59 pm

hi neverending,
surrender your heart to the Lord, and let him clear all your anxieties. Our emotions always delude us. My ex husband has extramarital affairs while I was in another country, and then he filed divorce. Our 3-year-old daughter that time had tumor and we need lavish amount for her operation, mom was also in long term care then. In short, financial and emotional problems bogged me.
i'd been in a terrible situation before and I also attempted to commit suicide, but one Christian friend introduced me to their fellowship. It was then the pastor helped me clear my mind, and then I learned that all of those anxieties in the past or today have explanations in the future
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